Ready for takeoff, and more about me

Well, I got everything in place for my trip. I've been ripping the rest of my music CD into mp3's which I will carry on my laptop.

What still worries me, is the fact that I will be alone. No fear of death yet scared of being alone...doesn't make sense to me really. It is what it is, I guess.

Nina is slowly changing back to her old self, screaming, blaming and being...well, herself. I was hoping she would change for the good of the family, no such luck.

The fucked up thing about my 'exit' is that the only time I will be able to take off is when they take my nephew to his therapist. He will come home to see his uncle gone, and that hurts.

Well, enough of that...time to pick up where I left off about myself...

I was working as a helper making deliveries in Manhattan with a crazy white guy while having my weekend parties at home.

However the parties got boring, the same females would show up and things started to get too wild, but I kept going 'cause my friends didn't want the fun to stop.

I needed a good excuse to stop it without losing face. The funny part is that a fat cop bailed me out of the situation by coming one afternoon to my building as I was hanging with some friends in front...telling me he was watching me and that he would throw me in jail at the first chance he got. I didn't even know him, but then I got the idea...why don't I tell my friends I had screwed this cop's daughter and he will probably go after me and anyone partying with me.

It worked, nobody wanted to mess with a pissed off cop on a personal vendetta. The parties ended.

I had screwed hundred of young females, with no protection almost every time. Sometimes I wonder if I have a kid out there with my dna somewhere. I was also lucky not to catch any std, but I was too stupid to realize it at the time.

But my wild ways didn't stop. The crazy white guy I worked with, hell...he would go to whore houses in Manhattan during the afternoon or some street hookers in Brooklyn. He cheated on his wife every day and got away with it. Of course to keep my mouth shut, he sometimes would pay for me to get some as well.

The places in the city were decent, and when we were picking up whores from the street we would use the back of the van to do our business.

Did I mention I was stupid? yeah, I did.

Well, I was careless, too careless. At the end of the first year of working I got sores where a guy would not want them, you can imagine. I told my 'boss' since we usually would sleep with the same women. We both got scared that we may have got hiv. We went to a clinic and got tested and for a week we were worried about the results.

We used to laugh every day working, but that week there was no laughs or fights. I guess I forgot to mention that he had a short temper, more than once we would get into a fight with other drivers or people that may look at him wrong. Once he even pulled a bat on someone and used it...I had to pull him off and then run to the van to get away with people chasing us.

Well...may as well say it...it's embarrasing but I've had it for so long that it doesn't bother me anymore. The test for my friend/boss came negative. Mine was positive, not for hiv...but something else. At the time I was crushed, all I knew is that it was an std and there was no cure for it. I was depressed and could not believe I had been so...well, stupid.

I had herpes.

I've lived with it since, for over 10 years. My body has gotten used to it and I'm rarely 'active' and I never given it to anyone else...I rather be dead that give it to anyone. It did take a while to accept my situation and realize it was not the end of the world, or my sex life.

I've never before admitted publicly about it, and I think I've revealed enough about myself today.