Love sucks

There are times when I feel down, and nothing can bring me up, this is one of those times. I'm almost 40. I wasted my 20'..I should've listened to grandma and marry for convenience to become legal, get divorced and then find love...but even tho my moral standards weren't too high then...I was a hopeless romantic. I thought that you had to love someone to marry...I didn't want to become my father I guess. I think I'm still a hopeless romantic...behind all the emotional walls I've put up over the years.

I've spent my 30's in a marriage that has changed me, and I've become someone I despise...the only thing I like about myself, is that I'm an uncle. Had I not promised to a good friend of mine, I would be contemplating suicide again today.

My damn video card is dying on me and the only thing that keeps my mind occupied is my computer.

Dammit I can't find a job online, and I need money. Time to start looking for stuff to sell again, I do have old computer parts, may as well sell them anyways.

Love makes you blind, sometimes that is good, sometimes it leads to bad judgement. I'm trapped, and I created this cell and placed the warden myself...now I must live with it. Love sucks.