Stress and Stargate Atlantis

The closer I get to my departure time, the more stressed I get. Today my nephew was more affectionate than usual and I wonder if he is picking up on my mood better than the rest of the family.

I'm proud of him, lately he has been getting good scores on tests, my niece usually does 95-100% on her tests and I enjoy helping her with homework when I'm allowed to do so.

This week hasn't been the greatest, but if you've been reading this blog it should be no surprise.

A dear friend of mine was already going through some tough times after the end of a long term relationship had ended badly. On top of that her father had a stroke and we may not be able to talk a while because he was working in Singapore while she was studying in the UK. I'm worried for her.

I can't seem to reach another friend who has been ill, and for a while now I have been unable to talk to my best friend.

I feel like a ghost sometimes, I can't really help anybody. All I can do is talk and offer my moral support and advice when asked.

I try to do everything early in the morning. Take out the garbage, do the dishes, take care of the cat, make her coffee the way she likes it...then either I go online to play lotro or go to sleep to try and forget where I am.

Lotro has been a good escape, just like Anarchy Online was, I forget where I am, what I am...but that seems to be fading after many years of MMO gaming. I'm stressed a good portion of the time, wondering if she knows or senses that I will be leaving..

I feel guilty for leaving the kids, my pet and everything. However I keep telling myself, there is no future for me here. I got to take risks, and just do it, and I will.

For the past 2 weeks I've had some chest pains, and I'm sure it's due to stress. I haven't told anyone, it wouldn't matter, won't change the outcome.

I've been spending my days burning movies, thinking wherever I will end up, the only entertainment I will have will be off my laptop.

Movies and music have been a part of me for 20 years. I enjoy it a great deal, and I can't see myself going on for weeks or months without at least listening or watching something.

Sci-fi channel is one of my favorite networks and today begins the new season of Stargate Atlantis. That show and the original series (Stargate SG-1) have been my favorite for a few years.

I probably won't be able to make it to my guild's raid today because of it. Maybe, I don't know...

Feels like all of my close online friends are out of touch...and I'm worried for them all.

I will try to post more often, it's been harder to keep things inside lately.