Stress and Support

Yup, I'm a bit stressed. and my stomach has been a bit upset the past couple of days. I think it may be because of my decision about leaving in 2 months. A few months ago I was set to leave, then...pretty much chickened out with the excuse of not being in shape physically to do it. Well sometime in November I will be telling Nina that I'm going to Canada and that I may stay for a short time for her to get a divorce (which is something I promised to do in case I ever left, long ago).

When I say short time, I'm thinking 2 weeks tops if necessary for me and her to have closure. I'm not sure what she will do, I know what she is capable of doing...so many things, and most unpleasant.

I'm prepared to get arrested (she did that to someone in a previous relationship, just because she was pissed at him), physically attacked (the woman does have weight on me, and I don't hit women so she would have the advantage), threats...well I think that is almost guaranteed.

Most of what I need is already put aside for the trip, except a compass, which is hard to explain since she wants to see every little thing that I get in the mail. Oh well, I will think of something.

I've got moral support from my friends in lotro and a friend from another MMO, that has helped me get the strength I need, to do what I should have done long ago.

I'm a guy who don't fear death, really, I don't. However I do have a fear of being alone, all my life there was always someone with me...my family...my grandma...Nina.. I will be on the road alone, with limited fund which means I don't think I will be able to contact anyone when/if I reach Canada safely.

Another fear is that Nina may just be...well, Nina, and deny my request to remain in my niece and nephew's lives. I'm getting ready for that as well, but it's not easy. And my cat, man I will miss Rosie so much...how the hell did I get so attached to a furball? man oh man!

I'm just taking one day at a time, trying to think of how to get more money (still only have $80) without her noticing it because she would most likely ask for it, or just demand I give it to her.

Well, whatever happens will happen, I will just adapt. It's late, I better get some sleep.