Back to the story...

Well, I haven't talked much about myself lately. I've been avoiding talking about my marriage a while, but I guess may as well let it out.

I married Nina, not once, but twice.

The first time was around 1994, that lasted 4 months after which she had it annulled. I had moved in with her, so I was the one who needed to leave, and went back to living with my grandmother who was glad to have me back. At the time I didn't know she had cheated on me during the time we were married with her ex-boyfriend. Signing the annulment papers tore me apart and hurt me deeply. Months later Nina tried to get back together with me, but I refused because I didn't want to get hurt again.

2 years later (1996) our mutual friend Steve convinced me that I needed to get married to become legal. It took him quite a while to get me to agree to it since I believed I should only marry for love. Here comes the funny part... he had convinced Nina to re-marry me in exchange of me paying some of her bills.

So a meeting at Steve's house is made, with Steve, Joyce (his wife at the time), me, Nina and her brother Jason. All seems to be going well and then I just couldn't do it... I walked out of the house.

Steve goes after me and asks me why I changed my mind. So i tell him that I can't because I don't want a fake marriage, that I want a real one and surprisingly I admit I still love Nina. Next thing Steve tells me if she agrees to a real marriage if I would do it, I said yes. He goes back inside, comes back out 10 minutes later and tells me that she agrees!

I'm happy again.

October of that year we got married, moved back in with her, meanwhile I'm working with Steve at the Computer Store in Brooklyn and all seem well.

However things change over the months and during the second year of our second marriage (ok legally our first), I'm at the end of my rope. The woman treats me like dirt. I didn't know what to do, 2 years of marriage... I should have walked away, I should have gotten a divorce, I should have spoken up more. But, I didn't. She had just started the process of me becoming legal, I had a legitimate work permit, I was working on the books, and legally things were going great. At the same time I was extremely unhappy and trying to hide it as much as I could.

Even my co-workers knew it. Now here comes the twist. My friend from work Lisa had a friend who needed my help (Stacy), hinting she could also help me get rid of some of my stress, I didn't think much of it... she was setting me up with her girlfriend.

Here is where mistake #1 happens.

What started as a casual acquaintance turned into a fling, which then turned into a relationship (while Stacy had a boyfriend still, yeah, very Jerry Springer). There it is, I cheated on my wife. I'm not proud of it, the only thing I regret is that I should have divorced before doing such thing.

Of course when one cheats, sooner or later, you get caught, and I did. Next thing I'm being yelled at, asked to leave the house and then... back to grandma's house. By the way she knew I was having an affair and she liked Stacy and disliked Nina from the start.

So here I am at grandma's house, continuing my affair and pretty much accepting the end of my marriage an maybe the start of something else.

It doesn't take long for Nina to talk to me again and I expected her to ask for a divorce. Boy was I wrong. She asks for a reconciliation, to try to work things out. Mind you she had stopped all the legal paperwork with our lawyer and even called INS to make sure all came to a stop.

I think about it. 2 years of marriage... I didn't want to be like my father and abandon a wife... I believed in the concept of marriage, and here is where i make mistake #2. I agree and go back to her, ending my relationship with Stacy.

Now comes the twilight zone moment of the marriage. Nina... makes friends with Stacy! Ok so here is my wife and ex-mistress all buddy-buddy, laughing and having a great time. It tortured me, because I still had feelings for Stacy and Nina had to know. Instead of trying to move forward she kept reminding me that I had cheated, throwing it at my face... this wasn't what I wanted.

At one point I couldn't take it anymore and decided to leave, not just her, not just the marriage, but the state of New York altogether and put both women behind me.

I planned for weeks, booked the flight to Florida, sneaked clothes out to my grandma's house, getting all ready to take off one weekend.

Every weekend I'd go with my computer in a cab to my friend Ian's house to do a LAN party, usually just us 2, sometimes with a Russian friend of ours whose name escapes me right now.

So one of those weekends at the end of 2000 I tell Nina I'm going to Ian's, take my computer to grandma's, pack it to be shipped down to FL later on and a few hours later I was in a flight southbound.

My uncle was waiting for me, he helped me get a place, get a car and even learn how to drive stick shift. I knew he did it all because grandma asked him to, otherwise I highly doubt he would have even given me the time of day.

So for 6 months I was free, I would call NY once in a while and find the few friends I had were being harassed by Nina. She was trying to find me, calling and demanding of everyone to know where I was. She even went to my grandma's house several times to find out where I was, of course nobody talked, for a while. Eventually Ian broke down because he was tired of being harassed and his nature was to avoid conflict. However she didn't believe I was in FL, she stubbornly thought I as hiding somewhere in NY.

Meanwhile, Stacy comes down to FL and we end up hooking up again, as friends-with-benefits which at that point was fine for both of us.

Months go by and one by one I'm losing my friends to Nina's constant and relentless search for me. So I call her to try and get her off them, I promise to keep in touch if she backs off. Within a few weeks things calm down and she asks me for another chance, asks for forgiveness and tells me is willing to do anything. She has never been separated from her family and living with her, her brother and her father was a bad mix. So I make mistake #3, and I tell her if she comes down alone I'll give it a try. Did I expect her to do it? no. But, it happened.

She comes down on her own, rents a room, then I'm stuck between keeping my word and having to let go of Stacy again, or having to play games. I keep my word, I end it with Stacy.

We end up renting a small studio, and for a few precious months I was really happy with Nina. We even shared tears one morning I was coming from a long night of work when we saw 9-11 happening live on TV (2001).

A few weeks after that she asks me if her family can come down to FL, my thought was they would live near us, but foolishly I didn't ask, I said ok. Mistake #4... can you see where this is going? stupid me, I didn't see it.

We end up all moving in together in a house and everything slowly goes back to how things were in NY. Downhill.

These people love to scream at each other and argue every day, I didn't know if it was just them, or if every jewish family acted like that.

In 2003 I lose my job with Toys R' Us as I'm doing quite well and was up to be promoted. They found out my work permit had expired back in 2000, I had worked for the company 3 years.

My Kia Sportage ends up in my brother-in-law's hands because I can't make the car payments, and then he trashes my car. Goodbye credit record.

Nina also empties my checking account, and even overdrafts it by about $700, my account is closed soon after.

For a while I work at a nearby gas station, miserable and I can't focus, I can't do things right, I last about 6 months before I get fired.

After that Nina tells me I don't have to work, just be a house-husband, take care of the lawn, wash dishes, keep the house clean, do laundry... and my self esteem was so low... I agreed to it.

Years go by, I had saved and paid a lawyer about 3k to restart the paperwork, but after I got fired from TRU I didn't have the money to keep paying. Nina was working so was everyone else in the house. I was told there was no money. I took their word for it. Now I know that they could easily have put money together to get things going, to get me a work permit and back on track, they didn't.

2004, 2005, 2006 go by and I'm hoping things will change somehow, that the woman I lived in the little studio may come back. Nope. In mid 2006 I start to secretly buy things in case I need to leave.

2007. Earlier in the year I said if nothing happens with my papers by my birthday (August 2nd) I'll give up on them. She didn't seem to care much for my comment.

August comes and goes, nothing. I sell my entire collection of DVD's, buy a laptop and well.... for those of you who have read the beginning of my blog you know what happened.

October I ask for a divorce openly, she doesn't let me grab my packed backpack or leave the house. I have to agree to stay to "work things out". A month later when I see a chance, I take it an leave, in my rush I forget my sleeping bag and my tent. I was in such a hurry to get out of that hell that I wasn't thinking straight. I left with $80 in my pocket and nothing else.

Now I'm going into my 6th month of being homeless.

Do I regret leaving? No. I'm happier in my tent in the past few months that in that house with a comfy bed, a desk, bathroom, yard, big screen TV, living room, kitchen and all the amenities of a normal home. Right now, home is where the heart is, and it's right there in my tent.

Now if I could only find a nice room to rent with a bathroom, that would be awesome.